Today was the day for my long overdue Christmas lunch with a friend of mine. We usually have lunch every couple of months but had to cancel at Christmas (my fault). Then, for some reason...we never got around to rescheduling until now. I love having lunch with her. She is a true friend from my Bible Study. One I can always count on to discuss personal things and know she will point me to just the right place...UP... and to just the right answer...THE ONE. We laugh at each other...she points me correctly alright...and goes for the juggler...like a good friend.
I've struggled these last few months. Struggled with unconfessed sin. Sin that eats away at you and destroys your joy, turns you dark inside, and what comes out of you from that unconfessed sin is ugly and noticeable to many, even though you think you have covered it well.
But my friend could see it. It was the last question she asked me. I thought I was home free from admitting my sadness, my pain, my hurt, my anger, my frustration, my bitterness, my disappointment and my lack of love...basically, my sinfulness. but it was there...in full view. My wise friend and I talked about many things before the last question. But then, when asked, the floodgates opened and I was exposed.
This is the kind of friend people need. Those who are honest, who hold you accountable with truth and love. One who speaks the truth, pointing to the Father for the answer and the cure. My friend reminded me what God expected me to do. Reminded me to confess, so I could be free. Free from sin and free from the pain I felt caused by my sin. Sin hurts. I mean HURTS! Both spiritually and physically when you repent. Sometimes I don't want to repent because I know it will hurt badly. But then, she reminded me...how good it feels. Yes...how good it does feel.
But how do I stop, and I mean STOP from continuing in my sinful thoughts? Continuing in my anger over the hurt I feel, the pain caused to others I love, the anger for the injustice done to me and others, the jealousy from the partiality I feel is given to others instead of fairness, the lack of integrity shown that later comes back and costs many much? How do I stop the thoughts of anger that keep cropping up? And then...is the anger really at another human or at God for not stopping them? Hmmm...I don't like that thought!
My wise friend reminded me that every man has a choice. God does not cause injustice. God is JUST. First, we must forgive. I've always told my children that forgiveness is a gift. It can't be earned, it must be given away just as Christ gave it. We can never earn God's forgiveness - but He gives it to us anyway. That is how God wishes us to forgive. Unconditionally and freely. So if I forgive, how do I continue without the sinful thoughts continually cropping up? How wise she is...the process she suggested is easy...ABCs...yes ABCs.
I started blogging this year with a desire to see what my life would be like if I could think of something to be thankful for every day and write about it. I was SURE my life would be different in a better way. What I didn't realize was that I had to begin with repentance and asking for forgiveness. THEN...I could be grateful for who God is. This is where the ABCs come in. Each time those ugly, sinful thoughts creep in, I begin to praise God for who He is by using the alphabet. EVERY TIME a thought creeps in, start praising with the letter "A". Here, let me show you...
I praise you Lord, for you are:
A Almighty
B Beautiful
C Creator of all things
D Our Deliverer
F Show Favor to those who love & obey you
G Good
H Heavenly Father
J A Just God
K Kind
L Loving
M Majestic
N Nucleus of all things
O A God of Order
P Perfect in every way
Q Quiet and Gentle in Spirit
R Our Redeemer
S Savior
T The Triune God
U Your love is Unconditional
V Victor over death
W Wonderful
X ? - too awesome to describe
Y un-Yielding in your standards
Z Zealous for your people
What a great idea! I started the minute I left her and I feel much better. But still, I must repent. I must go through the pain of confession and plea for forgiveness. Then, the joy of praising God can bust through anything!
So today, besides being sooooooooooooooooooooo thankful for my friend, I am thankful for the A-B-Cs. Thankful for a process that will take me into a place with my Lord in the center and my sinfulness further away until one day, my Lord gives me victory over that which He calls me to shed and release to Him.
P is for.....Praise Him, Praise Him all you little children, God is good, God is good!
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